I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
