Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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