I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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