is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
being pregnant is like rehab
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
