she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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