I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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