Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
