Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
