I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
