i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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