you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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