I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
