Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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