i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
