I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
