If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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