i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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