Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
