I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
