Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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