i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
