im about as happy as oj after his trial
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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