sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
