Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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