halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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