this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
