dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You made out with two different species that night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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