He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
