Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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