i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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