Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
