She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My first STD was from a foam party
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
