Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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