I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
