I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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