i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
