Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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