I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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