I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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