oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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