I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
