but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
