I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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