She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
