I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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