I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
