Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
