we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
