woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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