singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
