I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this boner is exhausting
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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