...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
