I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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