I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
