Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Maybe he injected his testicle?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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