At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Enjoy the penises
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
