Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
