Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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