We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
