hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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