sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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