i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
