weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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