He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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