I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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