so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
