Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
