I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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