I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
