Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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